Avoiding Lashon Hara, aka Gossip About Others’ Bad Behaviour
Lashon Hara is based in a feeling of superiority
To be able to speak unkindly about another person, you have to consider yourself superior to that person. Specifically, you need to consider yourself superior in that field in which you’re attacking the other person. If you were at the same level, it would be pretty foolish to attack others – the proverbial pot calling the kettle black.
Yet, even if it’s true that we do such or such a mitzva that someone else doesn’t do, or otherwise do really behave in a way that is superior to another person’s behaviour, that mitzva must be put in its proper context.
The context of our comparison
What is it that helps us realize that the implicit comparison between our behaviour and theirs is wrong? It’s the role of G’ in our daily lives.
Rabbi Haim Moshe Luzzato’s book Mesilat Yesharim, the Path of the Just/Righteous, develops this point. The Path of the Just teaches us that the more mitzvot we accomplish, the more humble we must be.
That’s a pretty counter-intuitive statement! Normally, the better we behave, the more we can feel proud in our accomplishments, even if we recognize this should remain internal (to avoid being boastful). The explanation for this paradox is the role of G’ in our daily lives.
Mesilat Yesharim explains this by analogy us to a poor person who receives a gift. The greater the gift, the greater the poor person’s embarassment relative to his mediocre financial status. In our largely middle class society, we might understand this better by thinking of the last time we tried to give a gift to the “friend who has everything.” The difficulty finding him a gift is because he already has everything. Inversely, the poor person has very little.
Likewise, we all start as babies with no knowledge of the Torah, mitzvot etc. It’s only by divine generosity that we have the opportunity to accomplish mitzvot. It’s the old question of nature / nurture. While our own efforts are not to be belittled, G’ is responsible for giving us the chance to accomplish the mitzvot. We can’t ignore “nature” [read: G'].
For example, a Bar Mitzvah boy who puts on tefillin thanks his parents for buying them for him. Sure he’s putting them on, but he was lucky to have parents who put him in that situation. And while they worked to afford those tefillin, obviously G’ had a role to play in making their efforts at earning a living successful.
It’s not for nothing that we refer to G’ as Avinu Shebashamayim, Our Father In Heaven.
This teaches us 2 lessons.
1. The greater one’s achievements in the Torah, the less merit one must have had to start with! What is amazing about the marathon runner who crosses the finish line isn’t that he’s now completed the race (his current state), but that he came from 42 km distance away! Therefore, it’s better to avoid speaking Lashon Hara about others, lest others bring up our the distant point from which we began our own marathon.
2. Our good deeds are only partially attributable to us. While it’s true that we chose to make an effort and do them, G’ put us in a fertile environment and gave us the opportunity to accomplish those mitzvot.
This leads to another piece of advice given by Rav Luzzato in mesilat Yesharim. In our moments of pride, we should recall all the times where we’ve made stumbled along the way. Even King David, of whom some comment that he never erred, said of himself “And I am but a worm and ashes.” (The anecdote with Bat-Sheva and Uri the Hittite is in dispute as to whether it constitutes a mistake on the part of David.)
In sum:
a) Lashon hara is based on feelign superior relative to others.
b) That feeling is vain because
(i) whoever has improved themselves was imperfect to begin with and
(ii) their improvement is largely attributable to G’.
Just as we don’t boast about our hair colour, which we didn’t choose, we shouldn’t speak badly about others whose conditions have been different and thus lacked the opportunity to improve themselves.
Lashon Hara As Blasphemy – Desecrating G’s Name
Other people’s circumstances are largely influenced by G’, just like our own circumstances. If we speak badly about someone else who doesn’t accomplish X or Y mitzva, what we’re saying indirectly is that G’ is unjust. Why? Because He didn’t give them as favourable circumstances as our own.
The problem with that is that we can’t understand G’ to a sufficient degree in order to be able to judge him. We can have recognition towards him – hakarat hatov – which is the basis for loving – ahavat – G’ .
But when He acts in a way that appears difficult to us to understand – e.g. our difficulties understanding the Shoah (Holocaust) – we’re better off reserving our judgement to avoid desecrating G’s Name (chilloul H’), even if it’s only an unintentional desecration.
(The book Sichot HaRav Tzvi Yehuda sheds some light on the question of the Holocaust. It’s translated into English as Torat Eretz Israel by Rabbi David Samson.)
Finally, I’d like to return to that idea of humility based on a retrospective view of the long way we’ve come. As we continue to make progress, we realize that there’s still a long road ahead of us. Thankfully, “the Eternal Nation isn’t intimidated by the long road.” (Am Hanetzach Lo Mephached MeDerech Arucka.)